i HATE that show assy mcgee.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
puh-LANG
chairman of alaska oil and gas conservation commission from 2003 to 2004!
but she has only traveled to three destinations outside the united states: ireland, and germany and kuwait!
but she has only traveled to three destinations outside the united states: ireland, and germany and kuwait!
BUTTERBALLS- where's gustav!!?!
lets talk about dellusional perception and listen to coach yvonne's online radio show about sex and marriage. singles what would your relationship be like without sex for 30 days? i will never know that arcanum as a truth
3:16.5
LEZZ go 2 churchkk IZ sundayz!
and lets make some $$$$ because i need my salubrious non-hydrogenated cheese from whole foods and some toothpaste--in a world of pontifical importance i say LETS GO BOWLING!
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
organic intellectuals.
hello tomorrow.
hello hope.
hello another round of campaigning on the sidewalk of hollywood blvd.
GO READ A BOOK OPRAH! YOU CANT READ HAA
i equate my current situation in life to a game of clue. and i have used all of the weapons against myself in an act of self-afflicted casualty empowerment.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
wewo
sitcoms in spanish are like fifty five times more annoying than sitcoms in english. im sure it just gets worse and worse amongst the languages. they record the same audience laugh and loop it like 8 times throughout the show. although i think the dude that is supposed to edit is smoking weed and forgets that the joke about having bigger balls is funnier than the one about the fat guy watching soccer. so you only hear the identical cackle 8 out of a possible 36 times the characters actually make jokes.
i officially have too much time on my hands because i am equating studio audience laughter on caribe-vision. MAKE ME FAMOUS NOW.
i officially have too much time on my hands because i am equating studio audience laughter on caribe-vision. MAKE ME FAMOUS NOW.
sAAAAmbuuuusettii (te odio)
i heard some guy said he jumped out of a window today.
these three things i hate.
these three things i hate.
AMERICAN LIFE
all jokes aside, i'd like to voice something that is extremely sensitive to me.
i went through the motions of choosing a major. of course i started out in business, all due to my father's recommendations and fat wallet. i then grew towards art and art education. this would lead me towards a congenial life of satisfaction and beauty but not challenging enough.
i now study african-american history.
why does that matter?
i am white.
and apparently some people rake up a fuss about me entering this particulr area of study.
i've gotten the "but you're white!". thanks for the update.
i've gotten the "are you doing it to be "in"? no.
i'm doing this because I have an extremely passionate viewpoint on this subject. it's like a magnum that has sucked me in. for once, i'm the minority. all i hear is racial complexity being narrowed into little categories. and somehow the history is being pushed aside.
and i have the oppurtunity to make an impact. i have the oppurtunity to lay the path for advancement. people can really be persuaded by a certain issue. trust me. i've got a funball pit of ideas that would abolish certain ideas when showcased through the art of education.
so what's going to stop me? my skin color?
yea. you're out of your fucking mind.
take the ignorance stick out of your ass and read a book.
i went through the motions of choosing a major. of course i started out in business, all due to my father's recommendations and fat wallet. i then grew towards art and art education. this would lead me towards a congenial life of satisfaction and beauty but not challenging enough.
i now study african-american history.
why does that matter?
i am white.
and apparently some people rake up a fuss about me entering this particulr area of study.
i've gotten the "but you're white!". thanks for the update.
i've gotten the "are you doing it to be "in"? no.
i'm doing this because I have an extremely passionate viewpoint on this subject. it's like a magnum that has sucked me in. for once, i'm the minority. all i hear is racial complexity being narrowed into little categories. and somehow the history is being pushed aside.
and i have the oppurtunity to make an impact. i have the oppurtunity to lay the path for advancement. people can really be persuaded by a certain issue. trust me. i've got a funball pit of ideas that would abolish certain ideas when showcased through the art of education.
so what's going to stop me? my skin color?
yea. you're out of your fucking mind.
take the ignorance stick out of your ass and read a book.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
my house is on FIYAAAH IT HURTSS
the inexplicable variety of comprehensible intelligences amongst children continues to amaze me. so does the inert icing on those little debbie "desserts" from the gas station; that i swear have been there since hurricane andrew.
BEASThialeah STUFF vol.2
i get off hearing recently graduated babies use the ever so popular, ever immortal "DOOOOOOOOOOOOO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT (bro)". it gives me hope that a jovial compeer somewhere is making jello shots on a wednesday night like its saturday night. and he's going to get that girl drunk, the one with the prodigious iron-flat hair with an iron-flat brain to match.
house bunny fans please exit the starbucks and vomit on yourselves across the street at the ballys. i would hate for you to be late to your spinning class. the cornucopia of your existence--besides studded ed hardy shirts and LA looks gel; for that bloooow ouuuut.
but old woman unawaringly exposing underwear trying to sell me jesus christ at walgreens; i'd like you eat my first born if i could.
house bunny fans please exit the starbucks and vomit on yourselves across the street at the ballys. i would hate for you to be late to your spinning class. the cornucopia of your existence--besides studded ed hardy shirts and LA looks gel; for that bloooow ouuuut.
but old woman unawaringly exposing underwear trying to sell me jesus christ at walgreens; i'd like you eat my first born if i could.
Monday, August 25, 2008
my right eye is closed.
i fucking hate quotes.
i hate when people reference them, i hate when people put them on their profiles, i hate when they put them in essays, i hate when people use them at parties, just SOOO eager to whip one out and i especially hate when they try to insert it as advice.
how are you gonna extract one single sentence from a legacy of work, and to be honest it doesn't even really matter who it is, and make it seem like that person wrote it FOR YOU. that you found a sentence A SENTENCE that you think just boxes up your life so perfectly with little pink ribbons and bunnies flying out of your ass.
aye. get over yourself.
and think of something original for once.
nobody wants their ideas stolen.
however, i will forgive...
"THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!"
i hate when people reference them, i hate when people put them on their profiles, i hate when they put them in essays, i hate when people use them at parties, just SOOO eager to whip one out and i especially hate when they try to insert it as advice.
how are you gonna extract one single sentence from a legacy of work, and to be honest it doesn't even really matter who it is, and make it seem like that person wrote it FOR YOU. that you found a sentence A SENTENCE that you think just boxes up your life so perfectly with little pink ribbons and bunnies flying out of your ass.
aye. get over yourself.
and think of something original for once.
nobody wants their ideas stolen.
however, i will forgive...
"THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!"
mami mami NO-ME
i want to make you happy baby.
can someone PLEASE EXPLAIN to me for the 74th time the concept for hannah montana nebraska north dakota who gives a fuck. I DONT CARE IF SHES BLONDE OR WHATEVER i just don't even realize that she is like a real person or was or idk what the fuck. but i know that its starting to cause an agglomeration in my stalwart brain, because i see her with brown hair at the mall and im like what! i thought she was like a fake disney character, like make-believe you know, like heavy metal. and then she sells out stadiums with overweight PTSA moms and hebetic itty bitty tittie 7th graders---dont forget their continuously deffocating little siblings (DONT SAY U DONT WANT KIDS GOD WILL STRIKE U)--and she makes so much money. like, hello kentucky girl - please please lets take turns at doing easy things for a living that make you so much money you can become a virgin as many times as you want.
can someone PLEASE EXPLAIN to me for the 74th time the concept for hannah montana nebraska north dakota who gives a fuck. I DONT CARE IF SHES BLONDE OR WHATEVER i just don't even realize that she is like a real person or was or idk what the fuck. but i know that its starting to cause an agglomeration in my stalwart brain, because i see her with brown hair at the mall and im like what! i thought she was like a fake disney character, like make-believe you know, like heavy metal. and then she sells out stadiums with overweight PTSA moms and hebetic itty bitty tittie 7th graders---dont forget their continuously deffocating little siblings (DONT SAY U DONT WANT KIDS GOD WILL STRIKE U)--and she makes so much money. like, hello kentucky girl - please please lets take turns at doing easy things for a living that make you so much money you can become a virgin as many times as you want.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
this country didnt just invent fireworks. they invented them too.
my heart goes out to the middle-class family in china whose loft sits complacently beside the ginormous olympics 2008 stadium. they were only ones in the building who a) didn't leave town in time because papa chong had to work overtime or b) couldn't afford a ticket to the games because they're asshole of a daughter (in pigtails) just needed her wii fit glorified in pure gold.
im watching the closing games this very minute because i don't feel like masturbating. well, i mean, if i really wanted to i could to this. apparently, china has only one size pair of pants.
these people really love ropes and flying and dance moves straight from a half-rate cheerleading coach on a pound of weed. that bitch totally got smoked out by the teletubbies.
did anyone even break a leg this year? did OJ compete?
oh geez. now daft punk is flying to the ceiling. i wish i was in the crowd at this very moment, sitting with my best friend. we would have a field day. i mean, don't these athletes watch this and think to themselves "this is totally staining the honor and dignity of my sport."? i mean, when I go to Target i wanna 100% know that someone in China spent 14 hours a day making my Isaac Mizrahi sheets, on clearance of course. I don't wanna know that they've been on ropes & pulleys, practing flower formations.
im completely kidding about that. i dated an asian once, so im cool.
OMG JACKIE CHAN!
gaping mOuth! MAN UR OLD
tattooed man with your crack showing. you are walking down the road of life. you have chosen your path and it has ultimately led you to my block. you stand by your car and you face adversity with your rollerblades and backwards baseball cap i admire you. i want you to know that you can probably fuck a lot of cougars, not me, but a lot of cougars. one day you will be hit by a car and you will fly across the night sky, hit a curb and get a lot of money resulting in a very successful lawsuit. only then will you proceed to get an even darker tan, more tribal tattoos and a new khaki baseball cap. your skin will shine in the afternoon glare, and your grey hair's bouyancy will elevate the spirits of passerbys of all nations and creeds. i salute your outlandish fashion and drive to accumulate muscles in places you really don't need muscles. if our paths ever cross i will definetly buy you a drink at wet willies, just because. no hidden agendas, just because.
hanky.
that DUFFY song makes me want to slap on a mini-cut spandex dress, some red lipstick, initialized jewelry and carry a giftcard to TGIFridays in my little gold clutch.
BRIDEZILLA IS THE SHIT.
bitch said "ima have to take two birth control pills tonite boi"
BRIDEZILLA IS THE SHIT.
bitch said "ima have to take two birth control pills tonite boi"
2 TINGS RUDE BOY
anything with a softened core freaks me the fuck out; croquettes especially.
i want to embrace the darkness, but i do not embrace FEDORA HATS STOP WEARING THEM!
CASTINGcastingCASTING
i would like to be an actress/dancer/assistant to someone who doesn't need an assistant because they are freaking too rich already/advisor to someone who is so dumb i should be the person who needs the advisor, but i am so smart i wouldn't need an advisor/model/video girl/whatever you want as long as i get paid and i dont have to go get you drugs down some alley in the middle of the night in new york and/or any other destination on planet earth. imma be waiting for the callz.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
goya <3 la fe
ambrosial frozen packaged tamales:
thank you for saving me from alarming hunger yet again. i have no clue how you do it, how you lick it like a lollipop and you make me want to lick your wrapper. but you fucking do and those little chunks of hyrdogenous, chemically and genetically modified pork taste like little crystals of sex exploding on my tongue (like all good things we know are really bad for us, like grenade porn). eventhough you prefer the microwave i say no. i say no because you are too good for that shit. i treat you like the best, because you are a king. no reginerated heat for that yellow, alluring, mushy exterior--you get to stick it in my oven. straight in there baby boy.
thank you for saving me from alarming hunger yet again. i have no clue how you do it, how you lick it like a lollipop and you make me want to lick your wrapper. but you fucking do and those little chunks of hyrdogenous, chemically and genetically modified pork taste like little crystals of sex exploding on my tongue (like all good things we know are really bad for us, like grenade porn). eventhough you prefer the microwave i say no. i say no because you are too good for that shit. i treat you like the best, because you are a king. no reginerated heat for that yellow, alluring, mushy exterior--you get to stick it in my oven. straight in there baby boy.
MAY 08
weathered times have brought me to distance myself from ceratin food groups
1. the cribs- what the hell, i fucking hate electro music (85% of the time) and my expereince with this band falls under that scarce 15% remainder. all of a sudden i realized the riff made me want to drink 4 whiskey sours, throw up and then drink 4 more. so i think its a safe bet, "men's needs"--it saved my late thursday afternoon time filler.
2. thao with the get down stay down- i don't let myself listen to "bag of hammers" more than twice a day because i dont want to get tired of it. kudos for being the band with the longest name. "i am all in a ball in your front yard," who hasn't been in this perdicament once or twice. and "thao" reminds me of "thai" for obvious reaons. which makes me happy and angry at the same time because thai food is exceptionally good but also full of carbs. and carbs are the enemy girls, lets go watch sex and the city.
3. basia bulat- "before i knew" is like the shortest song ever, but the ukulele rips my heart open with a pair of pliers. i am getting tired of the "folkabilly" trend. it is becoming tired and cliche, hopefully it can die for like a year or two and then resurrect like jesus. if we keep letting all these really good british girl singers make really infectious covers then i dont know where we will end up; watch your boyfriends!
4. the zombies- never played out, never old, never lame. i'm so glad "imagine the swan" was never a kodak commercial. when big fortune 500 people get their hands on rare vinyl is gets ugly, and this gem has APPLE MAC BOOK PRO IPOD ITRIP IPHONE written all over it. fortunately its still lost amongst your dad's old bong and jefferson airplane records.
5. devendra banhart- old news, but hey let us go forth and beat the horse dead. "freak folk" is about to make me really pissed off because its not original but for the time being, while i'm still sober, why not. "little yellow spider" is my favorite song to make my boyfriend listen to. as he cringes i stare in awe, because i am reminded a grown man is listening to another grown man sing about psychedelic octopuses and white monkeys without the help of pcp.
1. the cribs- what the hell, i fucking hate electro music (85% of the time) and my expereince with this band falls under that scarce 15% remainder. all of a sudden i realized the riff made me want to drink 4 whiskey sours, throw up and then drink 4 more. so i think its a safe bet, "men's needs"--it saved my late thursday afternoon time filler.
2. thao with the get down stay down- i don't let myself listen to "bag of hammers" more than twice a day because i dont want to get tired of it. kudos for being the band with the longest name. "i am all in a ball in your front yard," who hasn't been in this perdicament once or twice. and "thao" reminds me of "thai" for obvious reaons. which makes me happy and angry at the same time because thai food is exceptionally good but also full of carbs. and carbs are the enemy girls, lets go watch sex and the city.
3. basia bulat- "before i knew" is like the shortest song ever, but the ukulele rips my heart open with a pair of pliers. i am getting tired of the "folkabilly" trend. it is becoming tired and cliche, hopefully it can die for like a year or two and then resurrect like jesus. if we keep letting all these really good british girl singers make really infectious covers then i dont know where we will end up; watch your boyfriends!
4. the zombies- never played out, never old, never lame. i'm so glad "imagine the swan" was never a kodak commercial. when big fortune 500 people get their hands on rare vinyl is gets ugly, and this gem has APPLE MAC BOOK PRO IPOD ITRIP IPHONE written all over it. fortunately its still lost amongst your dad's old bong and jefferson airplane records.
5. devendra banhart- old news, but hey let us go forth and beat the horse dead. "freak folk" is about to make me really pissed off because its not original but for the time being, while i'm still sober, why not. "little yellow spider" is my favorite song to make my boyfriend listen to. as he cringes i stare in awe, because i am reminded a grown man is listening to another grown man sing about psychedelic octopuses and white monkeys without the help of pcp.
DREDMAN
EYE CONTACT IS CRUICIAL FOR SOCIAL INTERACTION. therefore, if i do not reciprocate in visual solidarity; you should go ahead and eat the bottom of my broken ass elf shoe heel.
i am always going to love to put cake in the freezer. maybe you should stick your head in there too.
i am always going to love to put cake in the freezer. maybe you should stick your head in there too.
Friday, August 22, 2008
FLANN
everyone who is fat has and only wears a pair of khaki pants. danielle's dad makes her watch NASCAR and she secretly likes it. I DONT OH U 2 VOWELS.
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