deBUNKED: txt edition

the filial monday that will unfold before my eyes holds the boorishness of a kitty cat and the ego of aubrey o'day. what happened to the minimal scraps that became my weekend? why did harold and kumar escape from guantanamo bay have to be such a gratuitous celluloid blur? how come the first day of the week always smells like sulfur and stagnant declension? the answers to these cryptic ambiguities lie in the pumpkin pie i made last night (the first of the season, this particular season belonging soley to jesus' for he is the obvious and only reason for this 'season'; an axiom on the bumpers of the illuminated and enlightened citizens of earth).

waycong 2 meeeyamii guillz.

RAINRAINRAIN-sombersaturday

you can send your hate mail to veit, she is the single mother who ran out on us.

R I muthafukang P hOoOottie 4 lyfe

stOne lOve

what is up with everyone's tedious lethargy? i like activa just as much as the next seasoned twenty something year old but i am finding it hard to stay away during my lunch break. the weariness of my workdays worry me. the monotony, the copy machines the talking heads with gaping mouths full of empty languor. lets go ride a sea-doo!

%$#*! blisterbust

veit has disavowed this blog:

debUNKED: WORSTWKEVER edition

forlorn souls sip their margaritas at the company happy hour. somewhere an old man picks up a recorder and plays 'green sleeves', a piece of titanium nitrate fizzles into our universe. and i take the third nap i've taken this week. WTTTFFFFFFFF


HERE is my NEWW look (a conjugation of both)

+

I HAVE LONG FUCKIN HAIR-do000OOn'care

a study of 303 laparoscopic surgeons (82 percent men; 18 percent women) showed that surgeons who played video games requiring spatial skills and hand dexterity and then performed a drill testing these skills were significantly faster at their first attempt and across all 10 trials than the surgeons who did not the play video games first.

part two: NOT

a NON-verbal explanation to my absence part one.

i learned some french yesterday.





innocuous times call for truculent measures.

so chanced!

what in the world happened to my finger.
more to come.

turn ons:
white t & jeans
sarcasm
the rejection of carbonated sports drinks
self-bonding rubber
invitations to "watch a movie"

turn offs:
mccain, palin, & kilgore
brain dead-ness. the essence of brain dead.

Grrrrraanola Fest 2008

deBUNKED: monday edition

LUUUKIN SO CRZY IN LOVE GOTME LOOKIN GOTME LOOKIN SO CRAZZZY BIGGG BUTTTZZZ



(ihatebeyonceknowlessavetheearth.org)

(answers later DONT CHEAT!)

NOW for some SAT practice KIDSSSSSSSS:

which words are synonyms for DISPARITY?
a. saturday, 2 for 1, starbucks
b. mondays, suits, agendas, gum
c. peanut butter, dried fruit, champagne
d. frank sinatra, hurrican parties, hialeah

which words are antonyms for RAPTUROUS HAPPINESS?
a. gold fangs, new york, cleopatra
b. sarah palin, macys, doctor visits
c. falafels, ten speeds, rum runner
d. biker shorts, pimples, ihop

which sentence conveys a protrayal of the decaying soul?
a. bro there is no way i am not going to the grove.
b. the heirarchy of food is a fable.
c. wasabi peanuts for dinner.
d. i want to wear high heels tonight.

literally PAPER plans and planes

fact: my grandmother will make you the best cuban food you will ever eat this west of the plate tectonic. yet she will also sardonically steal your investment money, hustle some shipments from taiwan and rob you out of your taxes. you can thank her for my daunting sense of humor and wry social skills.


7:56!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL-ives

to the guy who spilt the drink in my hand,

to all the fans: go to your neighborhood ale house and ask for bread; they have none.
I NEVER SLEEEEEEP

don't im us.

you add water (10:24:00 PM): whichever come first
The love chorus (10:24:00 PM): whichever comes first

suspenDEERs (ilovedeers sarah palin dont kill them)

"waaaat, yea right BrRoOoo, i told him already. da today i waz gonna go out with da gurlz cuz iiii havent seen u guys in forever AND AH DAy. ANG like i GWent to go get this cute FOUKKEN shirt and da mall and everything gUUuy. sSsoOOOO whatever BRoooO i know this other guy who said da' he can get us intooo preee-vay and i was lie' HOOK IT UP YOOOOOOO. whatEVERR-RR Yea wear something cutiee because U never knoww. pero SO, like pick me up like later i'm gonnaaa go iron my hair and make it NICEEEEE and shiny for the clubb cuzz maybe i come out in one of DOSE pix from da computerrrrrrr"

ROUND 4!!!!

vs.

DUE TO MY COWORKERS EXTREMELY CRITICAL EYE, I'M BATTLING AN INANIMATE OBJECT. I THINK THE WINNER IS CLEAR. GO ON AND CLICKY!

OH it is YOU!

i feel like i have little tiny anvils sitting pretty on my eye lids. especially the left one. shiny ones like baby staplers with minute staples innocuously packed like sardines within. probably whispering to each other, jettisoning comments about linsday lohan and eva longoria. with their heads aloft, jumping up and down on my eye lashes. but the axiom remains; i hate people who suck up to me.

i do not believe in remorse, the concept is inconclusive to me. remorse is a nice way of saying i seriously dislike you but i am inhibitedly polarized by my lack of balls so i will say i have these fancy hateful feelings for you. SPEAK UP!

SHORTS SHORTS SHORTS!!!!!

BAAAAAD ideas brrrrOooOo

DEELITE COME BACK!

ANTS DONT SLEEP so you shouldn't either.

for the first time all week it is six motherfucking thirtry and i am actually intaking small, acute dosages of hydrogen monoxide while starring at my computer like a jettisoning wave toppling the depths of my oceanic phantasm.

okay what is up with this centrifical force of tyrannical humidity? the stank ass still air seeps up my orifices in an unimaginably pestilential way. speaking of pests, WEDNESDAY IS THE MOST FRUSTRATING DAY OF THE WEEK. you're the one night stand that calls 2 days later with some inticing date invitation. stop fucking with my head, get out of my life because friday has ingenius style and way better musical judgement (and a hybrid).


i wore my favorites today

work makes me want to regress to the womb. it is like hitting your shin with a cement block completely by accident. the shock value is fresh even after 2 and a half years. i am reluctant to talk about my job because of its selfless nature and superiority. if i did i'd make you all feel like ununionized walmart workers sharing java chip frapuccinos on your thirty minute lunch break.

observation 9/10
nerd girl cliques are unique because they all share the primordial quest for excitement, debauchery and eternal innocence. they embody the paradox of inadequate commoner sass. by early adulthood they should have fully developed a tasteless addiction to top 40 music and charlotte russe. one day they will go to space and get tenderly inebriated. it will be their boss' birthday or a friend's bachelorette celebration. why else would they leave the comfort of kendall's second-teir suburbs? then, upon arrival and settlement they will tell eccentric stories and amplified details of the truth to create a compelling version of their mundane reality: dennys with the girls and myspace photos for all.

MEXICO.

nothing but a pig in lipstick.
and no, that is not a jab at the "VEEEPEEE" nominee.
in addition, it might be wise of her to write a new speech. we get it. soccer mom. who ever respected them in the first place?
probably those companies that make those ribbon decals "SUPPORT OUR TROOPS!" "SUPPORT CANCER RESEARCH!" "Y100 IS MY HOMEBOY."
soccer moms keep them in business.

tailspin - darkwing duck

i think this is where i left my heart in 2006. i wanna go back to SF. eat burritos and endure ankle injuries. smelly feet & odd coin-operated museums. stingrays & level 1 indian food. pumpkin candy corn & the ultimate Forever 21. ice cream in the cold & falling asleep with The Omen on. Yesenia's backyard & Danny's hispanic entourage.

eff that noiZe (coined)

do you have stress? soon you will be a sovereign state of untroubled serenity.
STRESSBALLZZ!!!

nothing to lose.

a glimpse into my very near future:

little shiny diamonds.

is the amount of times i have listened to the new Pitbull song in the past 2 minutes.
i've done at least 180 bpm's of gratuitous booty popping.
lil' jon has escalated from infant prodigy to LSD. (OKKAYYY).
i'm pretty positive that all my interconnected neural pathways have disintegrated to crumbs.
someone please push the big red "DO NOT PUSH" button.



copa de champana.

i only

say organic pepperoni; no thanks. heres my version of the quadratic equation:

<3 LETTER TO IKE: TOP 5 REAONS to have a FU-REE day tomorrow

5. be honest, you did NOT watch the vmas because you were probably drunk with us at the show last night. so you need an extra day of continously looped vma coverage to sift and analyze britney spears' donatella versace-carnival cruiseline dance troupe inspired-sequenced tart-"i'm trying really hard to act like its not 1998"-dress. and her putative, hypothetical comeback (veit is holding a vigil, contact her for RSVP and info.)

4. everyone in hialeah has to go back and return all the cute stuff they bought at forever 21 during the labor day sale. this is what happens when fortune 500 companies attempt to sophisticate the callow gluttons of miami's suburbs. starbuck's orange mocha coffee cake-carrot-reduced fat blueberry-iced muffins and cookies make that size 3 look like a conjugal visit from an ex boyfriend. an exboyfriend with alarming fashion and lurid facial hair.

3. after my usual aghast at the immoral time i get up for work, i drove off into the pussiant miami beach winds. shorty after, i made my anticipated arrival at the walgreens on US1 for some laughs, some old friends and diet green tea. to my idyllic surprise, they already capaciously stocked up on halloween candy. tomorrow i am designating each of you to your local vendor so that you may envelop the granular decadance of pleasance that is candy corn pumpkins.

2. OBVIOUSLY YOU ALL USED TOO MUCH BLOOD IN YOUR COCONUT-MALIMBO-FUFU MAGIC (although i specifically said not too)!!! and so, we had work today. i will not pardon you, but i shall give you an extra day to contemplate on your blunder of carelessness. thus, i adhere you to a diet of the aforementioned pumpkins and uninterrupted ROCK OF LOVE loopage.

1. on septemeber 9th the treaty of neuberg was signed splitting the austrian habsburg lands between the habsburg dukes albert III and leopold III in 1379; direct translation--HURRICANE PARTY/HAPPY HOUURR WOOOOOOO LEEEEEETZ GOOOOOOOOOO

fingersore.

i am fucking, jennifer aniston.

IKE IKE babbyyyy...IKE iKE

at my job sometimes i feel like i cannot help/reach those babies, I JUST CANT. it must be because i am too busy counting how much money i have left so that i can go buy a new pair of aqua/green/purple/annoying color shorts (im starting to have waay too many shorts in my collection thereof. perhaps i should stop or get work as a sears model) and so i end up feeling a lot like a failed sitcom or the people who told sarah palin that it would be a good idea to run for vice president .

with the uneventful scenario ike is giving us for breakfast this weekend, i cannot stress the following enough. this time i think chickens, and maybe some coconut magic with a little bit of blood, not a lot DONT OVER DO IT. we want minor tropical storm weather but maximum DAY OFFF-FREEE DAYYY drink your stupid beer STATUS.

-65.00

seeing a negative amount in your bank account statement is like having a knife slowly carouseling in your stomach.
or your neck.
or your eye.

tendrils

i am gonna single-handedly bring this movie back. because it's irrelevant now and thats cool. you could like, put it on a shirt.