a NON-verbal explanation to my absence part one.

i learned some french yesterday.





innocuous times call for truculent measures.

so chanced!

what in the world happened to my finger.
more to come.

turn ons:
white t & jeans
sarcasm
the rejection of carbonated sports drinks
self-bonding rubber
invitations to "watch a movie"

turn offs:
mccain, palin, & kilgore
brain dead-ness. the essence of brain dead.

Grrrrraanola Fest 2008

deBUNKED: monday edition

LUUUKIN SO CRZY IN LOVE GOTME LOOKIN GOTME LOOKIN SO CRAZZZY BIGGG BUTTTZZZ



(ihatebeyonceknowlessavetheearth.org)

(answers later DONT CHEAT!)

NOW for some SAT practice KIDSSSSSSSS:

which words are synonyms for DISPARITY?
a. saturday, 2 for 1, starbucks
b. mondays, suits, agendas, gum
c. peanut butter, dried fruit, champagne
d. frank sinatra, hurrican parties, hialeah

which words are antonyms for RAPTUROUS HAPPINESS?
a. gold fangs, new york, cleopatra
b. sarah palin, macys, doctor visits
c. falafels, ten speeds, rum runner
d. biker shorts, pimples, ihop

which sentence conveys a protrayal of the decaying soul?
a. bro there is no way i am not going to the grove.
b. the heirarchy of food is a fable.
c. wasabi peanuts for dinner.
d. i want to wear high heels tonight.

literally PAPER plans and planes

fact: my grandmother will make you the best cuban food you will ever eat this west of the plate tectonic. yet she will also sardonically steal your investment money, hustle some shipments from taiwan and rob you out of your taxes. you can thank her for my daunting sense of humor and wry social skills.


7:56!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALL-ives

to the guy who spilt the drink in my hand,

to all the fans: go to your neighborhood ale house and ask for bread; they have none.
I NEVER SLEEEEEEP

don't im us.

you add water (10:24:00 PM): whichever come first
The love chorus (10:24:00 PM): whichever comes first

suspenDEERs (ilovedeers sarah palin dont kill them)

"waaaat, yea right BrRoOoo, i told him already. da today i waz gonna go out with da gurlz cuz iiii havent seen u guys in forever AND AH DAy. ANG like i GWent to go get this cute FOUKKEN shirt and da mall and everything gUUuy. sSsoOOOO whatever BRoooO i know this other guy who said da' he can get us intooo preee-vay and i was lie' HOOK IT UP YOOOOOOO. whatEVERR-RR Yea wear something cutiee because U never knoww. pero SO, like pick me up like later i'm gonnaaa go iron my hair and make it NICEEEEE and shiny for the clubb cuzz maybe i come out in one of DOSE pix from da computerrrrrrr"

ROUND 4!!!!

vs.

DUE TO MY COWORKERS EXTREMELY CRITICAL EYE, I'M BATTLING AN INANIMATE OBJECT. I THINK THE WINNER IS CLEAR. GO ON AND CLICKY!

OH it is YOU!

i feel like i have little tiny anvils sitting pretty on my eye lids. especially the left one. shiny ones like baby staplers with minute staples innocuously packed like sardines within. probably whispering to each other, jettisoning comments about linsday lohan and eva longoria. with their heads aloft, jumping up and down on my eye lashes. but the axiom remains; i hate people who suck up to me.

i do not believe in remorse, the concept is inconclusive to me. remorse is a nice way of saying i seriously dislike you but i am inhibitedly polarized by my lack of balls so i will say i have these fancy hateful feelings for you. SPEAK UP!

SHORTS SHORTS SHORTS!!!!!

BAAAAAD ideas brrrrOooOo

DEELITE COME BACK!

ANTS DONT SLEEP so you shouldn't either.

for the first time all week it is six motherfucking thirtry and i am actually intaking small, acute dosages of hydrogen monoxide while starring at my computer like a jettisoning wave toppling the depths of my oceanic phantasm.

okay what is up with this centrifical force of tyrannical humidity? the stank ass still air seeps up my orifices in an unimaginably pestilential way. speaking of pests, WEDNESDAY IS THE MOST FRUSTRATING DAY OF THE WEEK. you're the one night stand that calls 2 days later with some inticing date invitation. stop fucking with my head, get out of my life because friday has ingenius style and way better musical judgement (and a hybrid).


i wore my favorites today

work makes me want to regress to the womb. it is like hitting your shin with a cement block completely by accident. the shock value is fresh even after 2 and a half years. i am reluctant to talk about my job because of its selfless nature and superiority. if i did i'd make you all feel like ununionized walmart workers sharing java chip frapuccinos on your thirty minute lunch break.

observation 9/10
nerd girl cliques are unique because they all share the primordial quest for excitement, debauchery and eternal innocence. they embody the paradox of inadequate commoner sass. by early adulthood they should have fully developed a tasteless addiction to top 40 music and charlotte russe. one day they will go to space and get tenderly inebriated. it will be their boss' birthday or a friend's bachelorette celebration. why else would they leave the comfort of kendall's second-teir suburbs? then, upon arrival and settlement they will tell eccentric stories and amplified details of the truth to create a compelling version of their mundane reality: dennys with the girls and myspace photos for all.

MEXICO.

nothing but a pig in lipstick.
and no, that is not a jab at the "VEEEPEEE" nominee.
in addition, it might be wise of her to write a new speech. we get it. soccer mom. who ever respected them in the first place?
probably those companies that make those ribbon decals "SUPPORT OUR TROOPS!" "SUPPORT CANCER RESEARCH!" "Y100 IS MY HOMEBOY."
soccer moms keep them in business.

tailspin - darkwing duck

i think this is where i left my heart in 2006. i wanna go back to SF. eat burritos and endure ankle injuries. smelly feet & odd coin-operated museums. stingrays & level 1 indian food. pumpkin candy corn & the ultimate Forever 21. ice cream in the cold & falling asleep with The Omen on. Yesenia's backyard & Danny's hispanic entourage.